one more time with feeling

hold on
one more time with feeling
try it again, breathing's just a rhythm
say it in your mind until you know that the words are right
this is why we fight

so its parents weekend, as of tomorrow.

i should clean,

ill probably do it tonight.

i hope you dont think i got huge.

thats all im gonna think about.

weight has haunted me my entire life.

ive struggled with it forever.

i have a terrible metabolism and im fucked.

i guess ive accepted im bigger then most girls.

i dont know, i think im a good looking girl anyway.

it hurts.

so yea, im so excited for corinne to come up,

maybe when mom and dad are at some boring meeting we

will go to the terra cotta.

its heaven. simply.

i miss you so much bill.

i dont know why i went crazy last night.

actually, i do.

everyone been telling me that after 6 months,

the relationship isnt fun anymore.

i hope, so much, this isnt true.

and i cried bc im scared of it.

but i called you and even though you were hanging

out with your friends, you took a walk away from them

and talked to me for almost an hour.

your just self-less like that.

and you made me feel all better.

completely.

when i called you, i was crying and when i hung up,

i was laughing.

i really do love you with all of my heart.

know whats amazing?

when someone changes for you,

for the better, of course.

you said now you cared and tried so hard

just to get into a 4 year college to be near me.

i told you not to leave everything in brooklyn

and come here because of me.

then you said the most perfect thing ever...

"everything i want,

everything i need,

everything i have,

is in alfred."

i cried again when you said that.

you really are amazing.

i hope you know that.

I got a 85 on my computer test, which

isnt bad, but its nothing great.

i cant lie, im disappointed with

myself. i have to pay attention when i do homework

for that class and not use the "hint" button all the time.

oh well,

i wanna go tanning today.

its freezing out and i pretty much

just wanna feel the warmth on

my skin.

skin cancer is a def downside though. ;)

you thought by now you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you have come so far